The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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