just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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