I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
