I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think people are normalizing furries
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
