lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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