I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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