his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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