Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
