The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
