I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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