I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
