The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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