We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I love having hate sex.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize