Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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