I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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