I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
