I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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