the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
