Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
