All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
