So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
