i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
