it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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