Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
