she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
