i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
