She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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