well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
high people should be assigned attendants
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
