THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
