I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
