i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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