Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it's like iHOP with fire
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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