Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
