I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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