Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
farters have to be the big spoon...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
