my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
