Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
