Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am one with the molecules
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
