so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize