Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize