Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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