he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
