Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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