He kissed a someone with a penis
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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