I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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