So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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