Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize