hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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