Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
