It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
