The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
