I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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