I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
