dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
