you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
