Your tits are I can't wait for
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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