you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
