it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
