You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
