The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
