I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
