Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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