Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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