i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
