I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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