I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
