I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
