He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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