Dude my mom stole all your condoms
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
