Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
