WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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